The Mediator

That’s what I am classified as; a mediator. I have been doing a lot of research with the 16 different personality types, and figuring out which one I am. (I would recommend doing the same) It was very insightful to see how my actions and thoughts coincided with these types of personalities.

I took one of the many tests, that are online, to see what I would turn out to be. I was classified under INFP (variant: Turbulent), which means Introverted, Intuitive, Feeling, Perspective/ Prospecting.

I knew from the beginning that I would be shown as introverted, because I tend to act genuinely shy around strangers, until I get to know someone as a friend. I also guessed on the Feeling, because as mentioned in another post, I am an empath and feeling is all I do. The test describes Intuitive as a person who is “very imaginative, open-minded, and curious”. While the Perspective/ Prospective is a person who is very good at improvising, and are considered non-conformists”. The variant, Turbulent, means that I am self-conscious and sensitive to stress.

I had no idea how correct this test would be. I began to research just my type to see how people describe us, and came across this quote that spoke to me. The last sentence said, “You are still a stranger, and I’m overly polite, so I’ll ask all about your day when I’d rather know about your life.” Victoria Erickson, the person behind the quote, is a genius in my books because she knew how to state that, in the right words.

Through this test, it feels like I found out more about myself, that I should’ve known but never really thought about. It also makes me feel not so alone.

If you want to take the test yourself, this is the webpage I used:

http://www.16personalities.com/free-personality-test

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Funk, Depression, Or Funky Depression?

Have you ever been in the mood to do absolutely nothing; never having any energy to even get out of bed? That has been me for the past couple of days. I didn’t think anything of it, until I spent 4 days in bed, only getting out to get food or use the bathroom. I thought maybe its because I’m lazy and have no plans, but the more I thought about it, it started when I had to drop out of class, and withdraw from school.

My train of thought transferred to the reasoning that it’s just because I am used to having to go to class, and now with that gone, I don’t know what to do. But that couldn’t really be the reason for my funk. Then it hit me today, I could possibly be depressed because the class that I had to drop out of was my favorite class of all times, and I was so excited to take it. I don’t even want to talk to my roommates anymore. They have been my best friends for 5 years now, and now when I even hear them laughing and having fun, in the living room, I get so irritated. But yet, I don’t want to go out there and chat with them and have fun; I just want to sit in my room, in the peace and quiet. I saw this quote and it described what I am feeling.

“Sometimes I get so sad. So sad that I completely shut down. I stare blankly at the wall, and it doesn’t matter what you say to me, because in that moment, I don’t exist.”

I think this is because they don’t know how to interact with me anymore. When I told them I was withdrawing from the school, they just said, “Oh, that’s sad.” Nothing else. And once I arrived back to the apartment, it hasn’t been the same. They are both in class, and have no idea how to talk around me and how to act, when I am with them. I feel like they want to keep me in this safety bubble, and they are afraid that one day if they say the wrong thing, that I will burst and have this total meltdown. So, with them treating me like this fragile infant, I just got fed up with dealing with them, and withdrew myself from them too.

I feel like the longer I am in the funk, or whatever it is, I will completely withdraw from the world. I don’t even want to step outside of my room anymore.I have no idea what is happening to me; I was never like this before. Though I am an introvert, I have always been a happy person and always smiling. Now nothing seems to make me smile anymore.

If anyone has any ideas of what could help, I would really appreciate it. I miss my old self, but I don’t know how to stop feeling this way.

Why You Are Here

Don’t go right to the philosophical question, “Why are we all here?” No. This is not the blog for that, go somewhere else.

This is a blog to come and read what others are going through. Maybe you will be able to empathize with it, or get some help. I honestly had no plan for this blog, than to just get things off my chest. I am called a wallflower. (Yes, like Perks of Being a Wallflower) I’ve always been shy and an introvert, but as well as an empath. It’s a gift and a curse.

I am the person who stands by the wall at get togethers and observe. I feel more content with just watching and learning, than socializing. The down side to this is when I observe someone in pain, or agony, I can’t help but feel exactly what they feel. This can be very draining, and no one understands what I go through,well none of the ones who are around me. They say that I am just too emotional and sensitive, but an empath can’t help but be those things. I take everything someone says or does, and take it right to the heart.

So, with all of that information on me, I will just be letting all of the things I observe and notice show through my posts.

Journal topic for the day: Write something that made you feel empathy toward someone.